Wednesday, October 1, 2008

World Class.

Thank you for calling Ticketmaster. All of our agents are currently busy helping other customers. Your call will be handled by the next available agent.

[several minutes of irritating lite-rock guitar hold music]

“Thank you for calling Ticketmaster, how may I help you?”

“I bought a ticket two months ago for the Ben Folds concert at Terminal 5 tonight, and along with the ticket purchase there was an iTunes pre-order for his new album. I was supposed to get an email yesterday telling me how to download the album, but I never got it.”

“Okay, let me find out what’s going on with that. Please hold.”

[several minutes of irritating lite-rock guitar hold music]

“Okay, ma’am. It looks like when you bought the ticket, you were taken to a page where there should have been a banner that you could click to download your tracks. Did you not see that?”

“No, those were the two bonus tracks I got when I pre-ordered the album. The actual album came out yesterday, and the confirmation email said I would receive instructions to download the album, which I’ve already paid for. I did not receive anything.”

“Okay, let me transfer you to Customer Service.”

“I thought this was Customer Service.”

[hold music]

“Thank you for calling Ticketmaster, how may I provide you with World Class Service today?”

[repeat entire explanation of problem]

“Let me look into that for you. One moment please.”

[endless eternities of lite-rock guitar hold music]

“Okay, what you need to do is email Customer Service, and they can send you the information you need.”

“Isn’t THIS Customer Service? Are you saying you can’t help me at all?”

“I can email them for you right now, if you want to hold for a few minutes.”

“[Sigh.] Never mind. Thank you so much for your ‘help’.”

Upon reflection, I don’t think she could sense my sarcastic air quotes over the phone.


  1. I totally feel your pain. When I was trying to cancel my health insurance from Utah, I went online. Online told me to call a certain number. They told me to email someone. They emailed me back and said I had to fax someone. Ugh.

  2. Hahaha. That is amazing. Did you receive a return fax asking you to convey your complaint via Morse code?

  3. There's a guy on the radio, Clark Howard, who is an expert on saving money and gives consumer advice and he refers to those people as the "Customer No Service" department!

  4. thank you for this. i loved every second of it.



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