I was talking to a friend on the phone the other day, and he asked me how it felt to be here in New York, living on my own, etc. I've thought about this question a lot over the last month or so, and really the only answer I can come up with is that it's good. When I was growing up, my mom would make fun of me for always answering with "good" whenever my piano teacher asked how my practicing had gone that week. But that was the honest answer! Not fabulous, not terrible, just good. And that's how it is now. Not fabulous, not terrible, just good. The truth is, that word encompasses a lot that is maybe too hard to explain.
This is something I've wanted to do for a long time. I don't know why, I just got it into my head one day that I would move to New York, and after that I couldn't imagine doing anything else. And it's all worked out surprisingly well so far. I have a job that, while not always glamorous, is one that I really enjoy and is actually in my desired field, which is more than a lot of people can say. I have great, fun roommates and a nice apartment. I'm slowly meeting and getting to know more people at church. And I love feeling like an actual real adult now (even if it does still feel a little bit like playing house).
But it's definitely different, as I knew it would be. I miss being able to walk down the hall to do laundry. I miss jumping in my car to run a quick errand or stop by at a friend's house. I miss having my "people" nearby - family and close friends. I don't really have people here yet. But I know it just takes time, so for now I'm okay with feeling a little lonely every now and then, or wanting to just look at pictures or watch the Hills' Christmas video and maybe cry a little bit sometimes. Because that's kind of the way I feel whenever a big change happens - I take some time to feel overwhelmed, and then continue settling in to my new environment. Because every morning when I walk out my front door I feel really, really glad I'm here, and I can honestly say that I know this is where I'm supposed to be.
So he asked, "How does it feel to be in New York?" And I just said, "Good."
Well, Laura, I am grateful you are good. As much as I would like to give a perfunctory unemotional answer to people that ask, the only answer to the question "How is it living in Cleveland?" is, crappy. In fact, Cleveland is deserving of profanity.
ReplyDeleteI'm really glad to hear you liked Kerry Ellis, b/c that's probably who we will see when we get up there again. You should go see wicked now and see if this Stephanie girl is as annoying as she seems on youtube.
This is funny because my dad used to always ask me when I was little, "How's Marisa doing today?" and I would always say, "Good." Then he would say, "Good. Marisa's always doing good," in a funny little voice. So it's kind of been a little inside joke between us over the years. I like knowing that you had similar childhood experiences. And I know what it's like when things are just good.
ReplyDeleteIt's good things are good. I definitely know how it is moving someplace new. It can be really sucky. At least you didn't cry at church! Hope you find lots of "people" fast! I know you will. You're Laura. Who wouldn't love you!
ReplyDeleteAnytime you need a shirt, I am here for you free of charge. I would love to do Aurora for Laura!
ReplyDeleteYou have perfectly captured my feelings about change! I'm so glad you're one of My People, even if from a distance. You are so brave for doing something so Adult (not like x rated adult...nevermind). But let's just say I'm unlikely to ever live somewhere so iconic and all encompassing as Manhatten, so you're really taking one for the team by doing so and sharing it with us all on your blog. You keep being you and the People will come! (this is where, in the dream version of this conversation, I would start playing with your silky locks while we rut in the Big Bag...cue nostalgic music)
ReplyDeleteDude, I think at the same moment you were posting this, Dave and I were talking about this personality trait. Glad things are going well. I need to call you sometime...
ReplyDeleteThanks for linking me to this. It helps. Most people have said they felt the same way. I don't know what I expected, but what I'm experiencing wasn't what I expected, but it's nice to know it's normal. I want "people" too. PS. I'm coming to NYC again next month. We'll meet up this time. I promise.
ReplyDelete